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IFL returns, honoring the traditions originally founded by Chairman Kiowa and his search to find the best of the best.

Who among you will find a spot in the Chairman's Garden?

"Victory is reserved for those who are willing to pay its price." - Sun Tzu
October 2017

November 2017

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IFL 2017 Week Three Power Rankings
Jack Smith - November 20th, 2017 - 06:55pm

Bad is good! Sin is in! Up is Down and Down is Up! Guess who made Number One in our rankings this week? Be afraid, be very afraid. Another week of close victories and exciting matches. Can Deathcake and Team Dirty recover in time? Or will Great of Strength or Team Fist run away with it? Here come the Rankings for Week Three!

(The number that precedes the team name is their previous ranking)

1) (2) GREAT OF STRENGTH (2-0) This was a tougher call than it looks. Yes, they beat Team Fist. Renley got a huge Iron Fist victory against IFL Powerhouse Darik, while Xanth came from behind to beat Dean. But their individual duel record is 4-4, and they’ve won twice by a point each week. Still, they’re undefeated, so we’ll see how long their winning streak lasts. Chae Dynasty is up next.

2) (1) TEAM FIST (2-1) Team fist suffer a close loss to Great of Strength. Blondie becomes an early MVP candidate with a Push win over Melanie, and Koyliak evens her record for the year by beating Bile. They’re leading the league in individual duels with 8, so things still look good for them as they head into their Bye week.

3) (3) REAL RHYDIN (1-1) Bye week for Real RhyDin. Jewell dyed her hair again. Eden ate more than her body weight in sugar. Gren hugged a tree or two or three or four. You get the idea.

4) (4) CHAE DYNASTY (2-1) Due to Kenny’s Iron Fist victory, Chae Dynasty gets the tiebreaker on Deathcake and wins the week. Jenny had a comeback win against Aurora. The Chaes will have a big matchup this coming week against Great of Strength. This matchup could decide whether the Chaes are a playoff contender or not.

5) (5) DEATHCAKE (1-2) A hard fought week ends in loss as Deathcake falls to Chae Dynasty. Sal had a nice win over Duci, and Rekah defeated Izumi in the Anchor. Sal is the only dueler with a positive PDPB at this point. Team Dirty is coming up, and this could be a make or break week for both teams.

6) (6) TEAM DIRTY (1-2) Team Dirty gains their first win of the season, winning 3 duels over Warrior Force. Claire is another MVP favorite after an Iron Fist triumph over Xerzes. Dizzy had a four point win over Shale, while Kruger stayed undefeated by beating Andu. They will be facing Deathcake in Week 4, and this will be a good opportunity for them to get to .500.

7) (7) WARRIOR FORCE (0-2) Despite Tex’s perfect shutout against Vincent, Warrior Force fails against Team Dirty. Only Tex has a win after two weeks, but the good news is Rachael may have found her ace. Can this team rally together in time? Another tough week is coming up as they square off against Real RhyDin.

TEAMS ON THE RISE: Great of Strength (1 from 2)

OVERALL: Not much movement in the rankings this week, but a lot of action is coming up in Week 4. Can Great of Strength stay in the Number One Position? Can the Reals and the Chaes keep their momentum going? Don’t miss IFL this week as the season reaches its midpoint!


IFL 2017 Week Two Power Rankings
Jack Smith - November 15th, 2017 - 01:57pm

Week Two had an abundance of action for all the IFL Fans. Team Fist continues to dominate and Team Dirty suffers another close defeat as Week Two wraps up. How will Great of Strength’s and Real RhyDin’s wins, as well as Chae Dynasty’s and Deathcake’s losses affect the rankings? You’ll have to continue reading to find out!

(The number that precedes the team name is their previous ranking)

1) (3) TEAM FIST (2-0) Another big win by Team Fist this week, as they push past Deathcake to take first place in this week’s rankings. Blondie and Darik start the season 2-0, while Matt holds Cassius to one point. If this keeps up, we may be seeing a repeat championship for Team Fist. Next week they’ll be taking on Great of Strength in a battle of IFL’s only two unbeaten teams.

2) (4) GREAT OF STRENGTH (1-0) Melanie pulls a Xanth and gets a huge Iron Fist win over Terry King to lead Great of Strength over Team Dirty. Xanth pulls a . . uh . . Xanth and his Anchor win was enough to put the bad guys in the win column. This reminds me of Chemical Burn’s 2-2 weekly wins from last year. Will the Mel/Xanth combo be enough?

3) (6) REAL RHYDIN (1-1) Real RhyDin rebound from a tough Week One loss to win three duels over Chae Dynasty. Upset of the week was Tahlia’s first ever IFL win over Opal Holder Kenny Chae in the Iron Fist. Jewell and Gren also had victories to shore up their first success of the season. Real showed the potential they have to be a playoff team this year.

4) (1) CHAE DYNASTY (1-1) The Dynasty fall to Real RhyDin this week. No Iron Fist win this time for Kenny. Jin was the only victor, defeating Kate Turner. They’ll have an opportunity to get back on track against another team that lost this week, Deathcake. We’ll see what happens as Kenny puts himself in the Iron Fist for the third week in a row.

5) (2) DEATHCAKE (1-1) Deathcake runs into a proverbial brick wall this week as they lose 3 of 4 to Team Fist. Aurora did get her first IFL career win against a good dueler, Dean. Their third week battle against Chae Dynasty will be a big indicator of whether this team is a playoff contender. Sal vs. Duci could be the key match.

6) (5) TEAM DIRTY (0-2) Another one point loss for Team Dirty this week as the fall short of victory over Great of Strength. Vincent had an admirable win over Bile, and Claire was able to beat Renley. Things should get easier for them as Warrior Force is next. But if they can’t beat Warrior Force? Hmmm . . . .

7) (7) WARRIOR FORCE (0-1) Bye week for Warrior Force. Rachael’s lip twitched. Xerzes said “Meh”. Tex is still patting himself on the back for that win over Koyliak. You get the picture.

TEAMS ON THE RISE: Team Fist (1 from 3), Great of Strength (2 from 4), Real RhyDin (3 from 6)

OVERALL: Things are rolling along as Week Two is now in the books. Team Fist appears to be the team to beat so far. But there is still plenty of dueling to be done. Can Real RhyDin build more momentum? Can Team Dirty rebound from a bad start? Lots of stuff to watch for, and Week Three is coming up so don’t miss anything!


Four up, Four Down – Week 2
Colin Talvitie - November 16th, 2017 - 10:15pm

Cheers, mates! The Iron Fists League has returned after its 98th hiatus and, like a bad penny, so have I!

And thank heavens that another season is upon us as now, finally, the league can wipe away the Stain of Shame – that banner reading TEAM FIST, 2015 IFL CHAMPIONS – clouding it for the past two years.

Alongside Captain Futility & Friends, we’ve got some veteran teams returning this season while others have rebranded or condensed/restructured in the hopes of turning the tide of fortune in their favour. SPOLIER ALERT: It’s not working out so far. Just ask Team Dirty and Real Rhydin as they’ve lost 3 matches combined by a single point each, just in the first two weeks of the season.

For those of you new to the league or who’ve forgotten how this works (and how dare you forget!), here’s a quick reminder of how I do this. Each week, I’ll highlight 4 of the best performances (Four Up!) and four of the worst (Four Down!). Guess which part of the list you’d rather be mentioned?

This week, I’m combining results from Weeks 1 and Week 2 because, well, I just got back from holiday and I’m not being paid by the word this time because the editors are all bloody cheap wankers. And I mean that in the kindest way.


Time for the fun to begin so sit back, grab a pint and enjoy!

Colin Talvitie
Staff Writer

Four Up!

Claire Gallows (Team Dirty, 5-0 Crutch win in 7) & Salvador Delahada (Deathcake, 5-0 Crutch win in 7) – Claire and Sal kick and punch their seasons off to bang-up starts! Well done to them and bollocks to their opponents. Morgan Chae did the so-called Chae Dynasty no favours with this performance, bringing his lifetime regular season record to a whopping 1-3 (-3.25 PDPB). And then there’s Gren Blockman who, apparently, hasn’t been able to shake off the infamous Team Fist Taint…with a six-bout losing streak (eight in a row if we count playoffs and Powerhouse Party) over the 2014 and 2015 seasons, this is the second time Tara’s love interest has dropped the opening bout of the season with a 0-5 loss. NOTE TO ALL TEAM CAPTAINS: Don’t put Gren out there in Week 1 ever again.

Team Fist (30-12 Week 2 Match Win over Deathcake) – You’ve no idea how much it pains me to write this entry but I must give credit where credit is due. Captain Futility somehow finagled a victory here, sending Deathcake to its first ever regular season loss (DCK lost in the 2015 Semi-Finals to Dirty: Black after a 7-0 regular season record). TMF was apparently amped for this matchup with Darik taking a 5-2 in over Rekah in the Iron Fist bout, Blondie besting Sal 5-2 in the Push and Captain Futility somehow dominating Cas 5-1 in the Crutch. A 3-5 Anchor loss by Dean Reighland to Aurora was the only blemish on the week. Is the momentum sustainable for Team Fist Nation? Nope, no chance in hell. Remember, as written in the Book of Talvitie, Chapter 1, Verse 1: Captain Futility is bloody awful and so is Team Fist. Forever and ever. Amen.

Melanie Rostol (Great of Strength, 5-1 Iron Fist win in 10) – Terry King’s better than this but, well, she did lose 3-5 to Captain Futility in the 2015 Finals and maybe she’s still got Mortification Hangover. 6 of her 8 IFL bouts have been in the Iron Fist and she’s won 4 of them, losing to Captain Futility and now, Melanie Rostol. For Melanie’s part, although she has a 7-8 regular season record and has never won a bout with a score better than 5-3, she put the hurt on Terry in this one like she never has before. To pour more salt in the wound, the dominating victory allowed GOS to take the week with a 22-21 win and open the season with a 1-0 record.

Tahlia Faras (Real Rhydin, 5-2 Iron Fist win in 9) – Props to Tahlia, ranked Trainee, for an outstanding win in her very first IFL bout. Dropped right into the Iron Fist pressure cooker, she responded with a crushing win over KC. Opening with a 3-0 lead after 4 rounds, Tahlia let KC back in the match with two unanswered points before putting things away in Rounds 8 and 9. Assuming she’s not a one-week wonder, Real Rhydin might have found itself another dominating force!

Four Down!

Morgan Chae (Chae Dynasty, 0-5 Crutch loss in 7) & Gren Blockman (Real Rhydin, 0-5 Crutch loss in 7) – I’m not wasting any more ink on these two rubbish performances. You already read about how they were ground up and spit out. Let’s move on.

Team Dirty (21-22 Week 1 Match Loss to Chae Dynasty; 21-22 Week 2 Match Loss to Real Rhydin – Poor luck? Sure. Call it that. Call it bad captaining. Call it unfortunate. Call it a fluke. Call it whatever the bloody hell you like. At the end of the day, this iteration of Team Dirty has proven it doesn’t have any clutch fighters. The only thing we can count on them doing, apparently, is teasing their fans with a whole lot of close-but-no-cigars and surely-that-can’t-happen-agains. Rubbish. And speaking of lack of clutch fighting…

Dizzy Flores (Team Dirty, 2-5 Iron Fist Loss in 5) – Diz, Diz, Diz. Bloody shameful, this one. One of the most experienced IFL fighters ever (31 bouts) and a two-time IFL champion, Dizzy’s lost 3 of her last 5 Iron Fist bouts with a score of 2-5 or worse. Guess Captain Gallows didn’t do her homework before sending out her lineup. Tied with Rekah vs. Darik’s Week 2 Iron Fist bout for the shortest bout of the year, Dizzy was flat out stymied by KC’s overtly obvious punch-kick pattern. Don’t they teach that one in the first 5 minutes of dueling school? Take those lessons to heart, you up and comers! The only silver lining is that this wasn’t a shutout like back in 2014, when Vanion plastered Diz in her opening bout. And after that, she rattled off 7 wins in a row. Can she repeat the feat? Doubtful but hey, who knows.

Salvador Delahada (Deathcake, 2-5 Push Loss in 6) – Originally, I had Cooper Gallows in this slot but then I realized that’d be a 3rd spot for Team Dirty in the same article and I didn’t want to hear all the whining about how I’m making them the new fodder to replace Team Fist so I was forced to choose someone else (note to all readers: Team Fist is terrible, has been terrible and always will be terrible as long as Captain Futility is in charge. One championship does not erase years and years of team dueling awfulness.).

So. I threw a dart at a wall with pictures of IFL fighters. Lo and behold…


Or the dart chose you. Or fate. Anyway, I digress.

Sal picked a bad time to lose his first bout since the 2014 season. Now 6-1 in his last 7 non-tournament bouts, a victory here wouldn’t have saved the week for Deathcake but it might have lessened the sting. And when you’ve won 6 bouts in a row, you really don’t want to your loss to come at the hands of anyone from Team Fist. Right? Right.

IFL Week 2 preview
Tony Depatie - November 9th, 2017 - 04:23pm

Well, that was an interesting week one. Veterans getting upset. Veterans delivering a beating. Rookies taking the best to their limit. Just a typical week in IFL. I’ll admit, I was often wrong this week. I’d have the right winner, but the wrong score. Or the right score and the wrong winner. Further proof that this job isn’t easy. Just going by who won, I ended up 6-6 last week. Let’s get to week 2 and hope my prognostications are a little better!

Deathcake vs. Team Fist

Rekah vs. Darik– Now this is a matchup with power! Matt and Sal both decide to send out their Powerhouses in the main event. I do think that Darik has a bit of an edge in experience, but Rekah’s shown that she can hang with the big guys. It’s going to be a rough, hard hitting match, but I see Darik on top 5-3.

Sal vs. Blondie- I’m calling this one the match of the week. Sal’s coming off a big shutout win. Blondie had a dominating IF performance. Both are currently ranked in the top 4 on the leaderboards. The winner will stay an early candidate in the MVP race. Someone’s going to be hurting after this one. Probably both of them, because I don’t think either hit softly. I flipped a coin, and am taking Blondie 5-4.

Cass vs. Matt- And now, straight from the old duelist’s home, two guys who have been around for ages. To be fair, both of these two can still pack a punch. I don’t think that either one can handle a prolonged bout, but Matt is lighter on his feet and backhands his way to a 5-3 win.

Spencer vs. Dean- Spencer looked good for the first half of her match against Hope, while Dean had his hands full against Andu. I think she’ll get over the hump this time and squeak out a 5-3 win.

Deathcake 17 – Team Fist 30

Dirty vs. Great of Strength

Terry vs. Mel- Hmmm…On paper, this seems like a clear Terry win. But something in my gut is telling me that things aren’t what they seem. Maybe Mel buys into the evil on the team and channels some dark force that’ll help her steal a victory. Or Anubis kidnaps Terry beforehand. Either way, I smell an upset. 5-3 Mel

Claire vs. Renley- Claire coming off a big shutout win against Anubis’ new guy? Yeah….I don’t think this one is going to be close. Prove me right, Claire! 5-2 Claire

Vinny vs. Bile- Claire wises up and puts Vinny back where he belongs. As vile as Bile is, not even he’ll be able to come out on top, though he will make it interesting. I was hoping to see a Vinny/Anubis grudge match here, but sadly it’s not to be. 5-4 Vinny

Cooper vs. Xanth- I’m a little surprised Anubis put Xanth in the Anchor. Xanth was an absolute force last season, and I’d have picked him as a favorite over anyone on Dirty’s roster. Yes, even Terry. Until someone proves me wrong, I have to go with Xanth 5-3.

Dirty 23 – Great of Strength 23+

Real Rhydin vs. Chae Dynasty

Tahlia vs. KC- I’m on the KC bandwagon now after her performance last week. She’s one tough cookie and not afraid to lead by example. Fortune says- 5-2 KC

Kate vs. Jin- This one’s already over, with BEST CHAE winning 5-3. No sense putting in a guess now.

Jewell vs. Charlie- Jewell hasn’t been bad the past few seasons, but she hasn’t been great either. Against Charlie, she’s going to need to put it all out there, and maybe hide some brass knuckles in her shorts. I expect her to put up a fine effort, but fall just short. 5-4 Charlie

Gren vs. Izumi- Gren is on a 1-7 streak over the last 2+ seasons, and has been shut out twice. From a betting perspective, how can anyone choose him right now? Izumi, on the other hand, looked fairly competitive against Kruger. I see her putting the ranger to sleep 5-2.

Real Rhydin 11 – Chae Dynasty 34

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